February 28, 2014

Lord, You Want Me To Do What?

It was a normal fall Sunday here in Indianapolis. The leaves were making their journey to the ground and winter was right around the corner. My husband and I arrived at church and we were listening to the sermon. As the praise team began to play a beautiful worship song, I bowed my head to pray. I was thanking Jesus for all of His blessings, when a strong feeling from above hit me. It was very clear that I must forgive the man that molested me when I was younger.

My first reaction was….

Lord, You Want Me To Do What?
“Lord, you want me to do what?”

This was the man that took away my innocence emotionally and physically. Depression, flashbacks, relationship issues, and many other negative life problems were all caused by what this man did to me. Although, I had healed tremendously over the years, I still felt a scar deep within.

Why now?

Nothing had happened to cause old memories to stir. Still the same, it was clear God wanted me to forgive. A peace came over me and I did just that. After over 20 years of housing the spirit of bitterness, hate, resentment, pain, anxiety, and depression, I truly forgave this sex offender. I felt like a hundred pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders! The burden was released from me and handed over to God.

Now, forgiving this man didn’t mean that I was justifying the actions of what he did to me. It was a choice I made out of being obedient to God. In the scriptures, it says to forgive one another as God in Christ forgave us (Ephesians 4:32 ESV). We as humans have a sinful nature and a lot of us tend to seek revenge or hold grudges. Our desire to please God must be stronger than those types of feelings we store inside. Up until that day in church, I had been a prisoner of my own pain. Once I finally let God soften my heart… the forgiveness set me free.