March 18, 2014

Life Lessons Learned From My Ex-Boyfriends

Life Lessons Learned From My Ex-Boyfriends
1. God must be 1st place.

"In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success." - Proverbs 3:6 TLB

In order to have a chance at a good relationship, God must be the most important part of both of your lives.

2. No man will ever complete you.

"The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love." -Jeremiah 31:3 ESV

Only God’s love is perfect and everlasting. It wasn’t until I gave myself 100% to Him, that I felt secure and complete. All of my past relationships had failed because I was searching for a man to give me a feeling of worth, instead of looking to God and knowing I have worth in Him.

3. A man will wait for sex if he truly loves God and you!

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. - Hebrews 13:4 ESV

Biblically, dating is designed to ultimately lead to marriage. Although, it seems to be more and more acceptable in today’s society to hook-up or casually be sexually active. This is not the way God intended romance and sex to be. Sex is a wonderful and fulfilling activity that God DOES want us to get pleasure from, but only between a man and woman that have committed to each other through marriage.  So, if a man isn’t dating you with the intentions of finding a potential spouse, then move on. He is not in it for the right reasons.

4. Money can't buy love.

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Hebrews 13:5 ESV

If you happen to meet someone that you honestly love who is well off financially, good for you. That’s one thing, but it’s another to go searching for a wealthy man to date. Although, most women love the idea of shopping sprees, material possessions can only provide short-lived happiness. I found this out by living it first hand. Before I met my husband, I had a millionaire friend who wanted a serious relationship with me. He was a nice and decent man that I cared for very much, but I did not love him in a romantic way. It didn’t matter how much he could provide for me at all. The mansions, fancy cars, five star dining, and extravagant gifts couldn’t buy my love. I knew in my heart, that he wasn’t the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. To this day, I do not regret the decision I made.

5.  Don't settle just because you’re lonely.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! - Psalm 27:13-14 ESV

Even when I was in my early twenties, I felt like time was running out. There was always a fear that I would end up alone. And unfortunately, because of that fear, I dated guys that were less than what I deserved. Most of them weren’t interested in my heart or even a possibility of marriage. I didn’t want to be lonely, so I ignored all the little red flags that were waving like crazy. Looking back now, it’s so obvious why my heart always ended up broken. Jesus has called all of us to a higher standard. That includes the people we choose to date or have a relationship with. When I finally realized that God wanted the best for me, I did not feel the need to settle anymore. Even if you’re feeling lonely, don't waste your time on just anyone. Trust in God’s timing, not your own.

6. If your family or friends don't approve, pay attention because there is a good reason.

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. - Proverbs 11:14 ESV

Back in the day when my family or friends would say something negative about anyone I dated, I’d just let it go in one ear and out the other. Who were they to make assumptions or decisions for me? After all, they weren’t the ones in the relationship. I mean it wasn’t any of there business at all. Well, it just so happens that it was their business, because they cared for my wellbeing! And time and time again, my family and friends knew that it was a bad idea before I ever did. My advice is to always listen when those that care for you voice their opinions and concerns.

7. Look at the type of people he associates with, what his hobbies are, and what he is pursuing in life.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV

Ever heard that old saying, “Birds of a feather flock together?” Well, the originator of those words hit the nail on the head. It’s true that we tend to feel the most comfortable around people that have similar beliefs, motivations, values, and goals. So, what kind of people does he have in his life and what does he spend his time doing? The answers to these questions will speak truth on a man’s character. Take mental notes and be aware of his lifestyle choices.   

8. Life is not a Disney movie.

Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. - 1 John 3:18 NIV

I grew up like many females dreaming of my prince charming and imagining that I we would live happily ever after. I was under the impression that if it was Mr. Right, than nothing wrong could happen. It took many years to figure out that there wasn’t a magic wand or an abracadabra phrase that would make everything perfect. The truth is, for a relationship to work, both people have to work at it! There also must be a solid commitment made. All relationships will have ups and downs. So, if you have a fairy tale mindset, you’ll always find yourself with constant disappointment.  Remember that real love is an action, not an emotion.

9. You can’t change a man. 

If a man wants to change, he will by his own choice. No matter what you say, what you do, or how you act towards a man... you will never be the one to change him. All of his habits, tendencies, and personality traits are who he is. And yes, that even goes for his faith in God. If he is an unbeliever or just a backsliding Christian, all you can do is pray, motivate, and be a good influence. HE MUST WANT TO CHANGE HIMSELF! So, if you’re one of those women that think you can mold a guy into perfection, think again.

10. Love them enough to let them go.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18 ESV

When it’s real love, not fleeting lust or infatuation, you will accept that they want to move on. It is a difficult, yet unselfish act putting their happiness above your on. I’ve done it and I’ve cried many tears. Learning to trust in the Lord gave me strength and comfort when these heartaches hit. God had better plans for my life and He does for yours too!